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Winning Ugly Part 2:

The Human Ball Machine

In our book, "WINNING UGLY" (Simon and Schuster), Andre Agassi's coach, Brad Gilbert, nominates the doggedly determined Michael Chang as the 20th century's ultimate Golden Retriever - a relentless baseline battler who chases down every  ball, never donates a point, and possesses a titanium cardiovascular system.  

The Human Ball Machine - Serve? Nothing,...

Chang's counterpart at the club level is California's self-described legend,  Mason 'Fetch' Grigsby, a 61 year old marvel of endurance who hates the net so much he won't even go there to shake hands after match point. Why should he? Fetch's consistency from the baseline exceeds that of a well-oiled ball machine. 

At the 3.5, 4.0, 4.5, and 5.0 level, variations of this tortuous one-dimensional and 'weaponless' style of play include the Bloopster, Moonballer, Pusher, and Rabbit. Serve? Nothing. Backhand? Not much. Forehand? Serviceable. Pace? Forget about it. Volley? Who knows since they never come to net! However, what Fetch Grigsby and his ilk can do with their stony consistency is beat you. That is, unless you get smart. 

Fetch's strategy (and to some extent, Chang's) rests comfortably on the knowledge that as your frustration with long points increases your patience decreases. Soon - at about the time you feel a frustration-related migraine headache coming on -  you're over-hitting everything while simultaneously going for angles that John McEnroe doesn't know about. Game, set, match. Let me outta here!  

However, there is a way to win. Here are three keys to unplugging the next human ball machine, Retriever, Pusher, Rabbit, Moonballer, or Fetch Grigsby you face:  

Backhand? Not much. Forehand? Serviceable,...

1. Get to the net! Retrievers love those 'wide open spaces' created when you stay back at the line. Given the whole court to hit to, they'll nonchalantly knock it back all day long. However, their comfort zone dramatically decreases when you brazenly charge the net. Suddenly their target gets smaller and the pressure goes up as you force them to hit a more difficult passing, lob, or cross-court shot. You've jerked them out of their baseline comfort zone by applying pressure. Club level Retrievers - unlike their professional counterparts who love a target at the net - don't like the pressure of seeing a human with tennis racket in hand closing in; makes them nervous as they try to hit a better shot to a smaller target. Result? Mistakes. So, head into the net! On short balls, on medium balls, even occasionally on a deep ball where you have no business coming in. Hit it and motor south. You'll love what you see as your own version of Fetch Grigsby starts looking at you instead of the ball. The results are beautiful to behold.  

2. Hit softer, not harder!  The Retriever is a thief who steals your pace and turns it back against you. The harder you hit - often out of frustration - the better they like it because all they have to do is block it back. Easing up slightly on the power of your swing forces a Pusher to hit harder to get the ball back deep. With this comes mistakes. Pushers get rattled when they start making mistakes because consistency is the soul of their game. By forcing a Pusher to pound the ball you'll start to see them make some miscues.  Suddenly, you're the one creating frustration in the opponent. A frustrated Retriever usually loses.  

   Pace? Forget about it. Yet all he does is beat you.

3. Bring the Pusher to the net.  With each step taken towards the net, a player like 'Fetch' gets increasingly nervous with the knowledge that he's moving farther and farther from the comfort of home sweet home - the baseline - and closer and closer to the never-never-land of the net. So, bring them in with occasional drop shots. Force your favorite Retriever to hit a volley, half-volley, or an overhead. The results can be comical. 'Fetch' has actually raced to the net, hit his so-called volley (a bastardized hacking whack at the ball), and then turned and run back to the safety of the baseline before his shot even lands. When you see this occur, you have just taken charge of the game.

So remember, the Retriever loves long boring points. They count on your own frustration in not being able to hit winners or create errors to break down your patience. You swing harder and harder and make more and more mistakes. Blend in the three tips I just mentioned and watch the human ball machine go up in smoke.  I've done it successfully to Fetch Grigsby dozens of times. And, if you want more clues, check out WINNING UGLY: Mental Warfare In Tennis.

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