The Ten Commandments 
for Tennis Parents

By Monty Basnyat

Children and Parents are the Same in Every Sport

On a lazy Saturday afternoon I was heading down to an ice skating rink for a birthday party my friend was throwing for her 9-year-old girl. Not knowing too much about skating, I walked through the door and, to my surprise, for a second it looked like a bowling ally. Kids renting and trying out shoes, buying snacks at the café and renting locker spaces. It was wonderful to see little kids in the ice rink, dancing, jumping, twirling, and of course falling. I am sure the parents thought the same. 

Soon after, I realized just like any other activity kids are involved in, there are the recreational types and there are the hard-cores; the aspiring Christi Yamaguchis’ or the Brian Boitanos’. I overheard one parent talking proudly about how well her daughter did in a competition while another father would stand up and clap every time his little one would pass by the thick glass separating him from the rink. 

In far the corner of the rink, I noticed a little girl practicing some sort of a choreographed move. On the opposite side, another girl was stretching before heading for a lesson. But it was the 

Giving an honest effort, regardless of the outcome is much more important than winning.

Being a tennis pro and having been around enough competitive athletes and competitive parents, the scene seemed all too familiar and would have been quickly forgotten except for a flyer I happened across on the the way out of the building. Right smack in the middle of the bulletin board, amid the usual collage of  lesson rates, schedules, up coming events, and items for sale, was a little piece of yellow paper with the words “10 Commandments for Skating Parents” printed in block letters across the top. The print was so small I had to practically scrunch up against it to make out the words but I'm glad I made the effort. It was fascinating and I immediately tore it down and asked the receptionist to make a copy for me.

I have rewritten the 10 commandments and changed a few things including the title. I have no idea who wrote the original,  but whoever and wherever you are, I want to say, “Thank You!”

The Ten Commandments for Tennis Parents 

1. Thou shalt not impose your ambitions on the child.
   Remember that tennis is your child's activity. Improvement and progress occur at different rates for each individual. Don't judge your child's progress based on the performance of other athletes, and don't push them based on what you think they should be doing.

2. Thou shalt be supportive no matter what. 
   There is only one question to ask your child, "Did you have fun?" If competitions and practices are not fun, your child should not be forced to participate.

3. Thou shalt not coach your child. 
   You have taken your child to a trained coach - do not undermine that person by trying to coach your child on the side. Your job is to support and love your child no matter what, and the coach is responsible for the technical and tactical part of the job.

4. Thou shalt have only positive things to say at a competition. 
   If you are going to show up at a competition you should cheer and applaud, but never criticize your child, other children, the coaches or judges. Always strive to set a good example for your child.

The coach is responsible for the technical and tactical part of the job.

5. Thou shalt acknowledge thy child's fears. 
   A first competition or test (for everyone) can be a stressful situation. It is totally appropriate for your child to be anxious. Don't yell or belittle, just assure your child that the coach would not have suggested his or her participation if your child was not ready for it.

6. Thou shalt not criticize the club or the program. 
   If you do not have the time to or the desire to volunteer, don't criticize those who are doing the best they can.

7. Honor thy child's coach. 
   The bond between coach and player is a special one and one that contributes to your child's success as well as fun. Do not criticize the coach in the presence of your child. It will only serve to hurt your child's tennis.

8. Thy child shalt have goals besides winning. 
   Giving an honest effort, regardless of the outcome is much more important than winning. An Olympic swimmer once said, "My goal was to set a world record. Well, I did that but someone did it too, just a little faster than I did. I achieved my goal and I lost. That does not make me a failure. In fact, I am very proud of that race."

9. Thou shalt place your child above everything. 
   Ask yourself this question - Are your child's goals more important to you than they are to your child? Parents should remain flexible, patient and always supportive while their children strive to find their niche in life.

10. Thou shalt not expect thy child to become a professional tennis star.
    The odds are against your child making it in the professional tour. Playing tennis is much more than the tour. Ask your coach why they coach. Chances

    Tennis is indeed a game for a lifetime. Make it an enjoyable experience for your child.

    are they were not a high ranked tour player but they still got enough out of tennis that they wanted to pass on the love of the sport. Tennis teaches self - discipline, builds self - esteem and provides lifelong friendships. Be happy for your child wants to participate.

Reading these rules, what strikes me is how simple and basic they are. Let's not forget that, above all, tennis should be fun. Sometimes in our enthusiasm to uncover the next Tracy Austin or Andre Agassi, we lose sight of that. But children like Tracy and Andre are rare and the odds are astronomical. 

Tennis is indeed a game for a lifetime. Follow these ten commandments and it will start off as a positive experience for you and your child. 

Your comments are welcome. Let us know what you think about Monty Basnyat's 10 Commandments by emailing us here at TennisONE.