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Advice to Parents of Juniors

By Jim McLennan, Senior TennisONE editor, former President, USPTA, NORCAL

Junior tennis has gotten so competitive that in many instances standing directly behind the successful junior player is a determined, devoted, and in many ways directing parent. But is there such a thing as too much direction? Who should bear responsibility for the winning and losing? Should the focus be on winning in the present or winning in the future? The following is an opinion from a parent, a tennis player and a tennis coach, who has not necessarily seen it all but certainly has seen quite a bit of the junior scene.

All my advice centers around the concept of motivation. Motivation can be internal or external. Internal motivation can be the pleasure derived from performing well and achieving your goals. On the other hand, the motivation can be external, as when only winning will reduce the pressure felt from others, particularly parents. As I hope must be obvious, internal motivation is preferable because: 1) achieving your own goals is intrinsically more pleasurable and worthwhile than achieving some one else's; 2) internal motivation is what really drives a player to practice hard and develop his or her game. With this in mind, I believe that a reasonable goal that parents could have for the juniors in their family is to teach them to learn to love the game and play the game for the "game's sake." Pete Sampras exemplifies this attitude and his love of the game has driven him to be the number one player in the world. When a love of the game is instilled, then the player will continue his or her tennis well through their high school years into college and beyond. Compare this to the player that "burns out." In nearly every case of burn out we can trace the source to reliance on external motivation.

So how do you engender a love for the game and encourage your child to "own" their tennis and accept responsibility for their play? The following are examples of what parents should and should not do:

If you play reasonably well yourself, DO play with your child
If your child has a tennis pro, DO NOT be the assistant coach. One coach is enough.
At tournaments, keep your distance. Your child is the player; you are just an observer. DO NOT get involved with the line calling; DO NOT get involved with the referee; DO NOT get involved with your opponent's parents. You may be seen but not heard.
At tournaments your child is on their own. DO NOT assist at the tournament desk. DO NOT interfere with the draw or the court assignments. You may be seen but not heard.
Assist you child with tournaments, but make him or her responsible for their entry blank. Allow them to select their own schedule. Empower them to choose when and where to play, when reasonable.
Practice is very important, but your child must understand the need for practice, and your child must be responsible for their own practice. Forcing someone to practice will never lead to a love for the game--or for anything else for that matter. DO NOT arrange practice matches for your child. This is their responsibility.
DO display your child's trophies. They were well earned, and signify outstanding effort.
DO NOT ever make your child either train or play. Champions are never really created this way. The infrequent exception to this rule will invariably backfire sooner or later.
DO be understanding when your child has a bad loss or a bad year. A lot can be learned from losing, when losing is put in just that framework. Champions are "hardened" by their defeats, whereas the rest are more often crushed by their losses.
DO intervene when your child displays poor sportsmanship. Limits are limits. Poor sports must feel the consequences of their actions.
DO observe the rules of tennis and play fairly. Cheating is at best a short term solution. The goals are for the long term.

When you have accepted and put to use these rules, you will have a responsible tennis player as a son or daughter, independent, strong, and in charge. Internal motivation separates the real champions from the field.

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